when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
