I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
