I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
