My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
