Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
