My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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