I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
