I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
