I'm really into asian looking animals
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
