If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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