Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
