She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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