So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
