I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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