Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
