I wish I could teleport
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
