I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
