It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
