wanna go halves on a baby?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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