Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
