Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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