i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
