You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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