Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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