i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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