worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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