I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
