at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
