last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
