I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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