Pants 0. Shit 1.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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