YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
