theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
