that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
