so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
