Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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