Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
