So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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