Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
