I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
