A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
