my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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