Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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