I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
