We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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