I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
