Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
