How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
