I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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