this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
