My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
